I'm Getting Divorced & I've Never Been Happier

Remembering what kindness feels like, finally leaving [redacted due to NDA] & wanting people to tell me "Congratulations!" instead of "I'm sorry."

Photos from the day I picked up the keys to my apartment. I saged the hell out of this place. “Pristine vibes” is the new mantra.

No one has a key to this apartment except me.

I have a thick wooden door I love that no one is getting through.

I have a barricade on this door at my therapist’s suggestion.

I have a borrowed & loaded gun next to me on my desk right now.

I check the locks again & again to try to feel safe(ish).

I don’t live on the first floor.

I would never live on the first floor.

I fucking love living alone.

I burn so much incense. I have copious plants, books, paintings, and dogs around.

“Pristine vibes” is the new mantra.

I love being in control of my space - who’s allowed in, and not having to spend my “one wild & precious” fucking life picking up someone else’s garbage, dirty laundry, spilled ashtrays, dishes…

I can wear perfume again.

[Redacted due to NDA]

The truth is today, my husband asked me how I wanted our relationship to progress, and I just said, “I want a divorce.”

[Redacted due to NDA]

As it turns out, it is damned near impossible to heal from PTSD in a place you’re not safe.

[Redacted due to NDA]

Now, I am in a place that’s safe.

It is just taking time to make my body understand this.

As a survival tactic, I had to be constantly hyper-vigilant and hyper-attuned to someone else’s mood.

Fight or

Flight or

Freeze or

Fawn.

The truth is I forgot what kindness felt like.