February 2025 (1)

space for energy to move / near miss nervous breakdown / judge-y therapists / forced rest / mountain dreamin' /

Books read: Started/halfway through maybe 6?

Poems Edited: 0

Poems Written: 0

Paintings Made: 0

Letters Sent: 1

Meditations Done: I don’t even know

1

I wake early and take all the excess things I am purging to the charity donation place. I eat a lot of blackberries and strawberries because I feel like my body needs vitamins or nutrients or something. I mostly sleep through the Zoom Buddhist workshop I had been so excited about. My body needs rest. I try to force it to stay awake and be productive, but it just won’t—it is demanding sleep.

first charity shop donation run is done

2

I discovered the Dolphins At Midnight podcast and am obsessed with it. I'm trying to digitize 30 (not exaggerating, actually 30) old notebooks/journals so I can ditch the physical objects. No clutter, no clutter, no clutter—the current mantra. I fall asleep cuddling Basil during the most magical sound baths I’ve ever heard. I wake up three hours later with my headphones still on, my ears feeling like murder, and having damaged one of my piercings.

3

Frustrated by how little I am accomplishing in life. Scared by how little I am accomplishing in life.

“Any idiot can face a crisis; it's this day-to-day living that wears you out.”

― Anton Chekhov

4

Wake up freaking out, not sure what triggered it. I start googling things like “Signs of a nervous breakdown,” “How do I know if I am starting to have a nervous breakdown,” etc. I go into total hyperarousal mode and start talking to The Actor about how I need to move to Mexico yesterday. I am not meant to be in this colorless city. I am not meant to be so severed from nature.